I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
