so that wasnt chicken after all
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize