Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Never underestimate the power of titties
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
