We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
