is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
