ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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