I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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