the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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