He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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