okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize