I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
