dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
3pm strippers are depressing
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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