hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
