Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
