How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
