the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
