I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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