She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
