Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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