So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
