drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
