I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
