i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
