can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
