im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Don't make out with my wife yet
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
