I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
