I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Randomize
