I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
how drunk are you?
Several
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
