Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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