I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
