oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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