wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Green mimosas i think yes
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
