Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
