i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
