do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
