i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize