i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
