I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
