somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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