k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
