Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
