so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize