Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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