Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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