I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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