The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize