I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
