i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
