I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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