Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
