Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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