How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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