I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Drunk is not a location!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
