Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize