Small penises have feelings too.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
