I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
