She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
