that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
