roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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