her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
