dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
