im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
