The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The air was thick with penises
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
