THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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