Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My bed smells like the plague
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
