I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
