piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
