My boss' voice literally gives me gas
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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