I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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