dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
