Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
