Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
