I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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