I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
