my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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