And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
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