And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
