I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
