I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
