I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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