worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
