One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
