I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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