If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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