Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
