if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
