i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
