put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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