so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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