Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
