did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
