She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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