i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize