Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
