he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
