im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
