Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
