I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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