i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
