So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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