Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
